Ravn's life: a work in progress

I have been sleeping ok the last couple of days but just sitting here at night, the anxiety creeps in and then the headaches/aches and pains as well. I am getting a lot of cards, flowers, help, etc. and I am thankful for it all but I'd rather not be needing all this attention. All the details are so overwhelming and I keep thinking "Oh that would be something Brandyn would handle.."  I have no idea what I am going to do when there aren't so many details to take care of...

 The last couple days have been filled with anger and frustration at outside sources, to the point that I didn't realize right away that today was the last day things were 'normal'. I mixed things up with some cleaning, and also took my 16 year old to the zoo while my youngest was at school.  We actually had a good conversation on the way there, been quite a while since we just talked and she was actually discussing issues rationally, not her usual 'it is _______ because I say it is'. It was a good mid-day today.

 Well I know it's been forever since I posted here but after recent events, I felt it was a good time to start this up again as therapy. Friday afternoon/evening, things were normal - the kids were on their computers, Brandyn was joking with me as I was going to bed and everything was good or so I thought.  I woke up Saturday around 6am, again just like normal, but things were not right at all. I made it to the kitchen to find my husband, my love, my life - he had passed. I was lost from that moment on, some of the responders did not help things much at all (I know they deal with this stuff all the time but still...).  I have been overwhelmed by all there is to do, but just as overwhelmed by all the help people are providing; all the help my brother in law has been with the arrangements, financial stuff, etc., church family and co-workers providing food and other basics for me and our kids, neighbors offering help - my heart is full with all the love others have shown. I am so than