Ravn's life: a work in progress

I finally confessed two things that have been weighing on me for over a year: First, I talked with my pastor about the disastrous way I handled Ember's baptism, that wasn't so much a confession, more getting advice on how to handle things better in the event that Aiyana is baptized; but afterwards I did finally apologize to my husband about the whole mess just to clear the air. It was a relief to let it all out finally, person to person, and to finally take those things to God and wash them away with my tears. Tears can be quite cleansing too.. Second, I let Ember's godmother know the real reason I'd been holding back on letting them go shopping together; the silent secret wedge that I had put between them as a result of the awful way I had handled the time leading up to Ember's baptism and the baptism itself. I spent an entire day playing all sorts of negative reactions that she would have. Her response to me was kind, she related to me as a sister in Christ an...

I feel my supposed 'introspective well' has dried up.. I don't know if that is because the negative voice that had lived in my head for so long was finally evicted. It tries to come back from time to time, but is quickly replaced by God's voice that has taken up residence. The only other thing I could take about right now is the disaster that was my youngest daughter's baptism. Sure, the event itself (which was also my confirmation) was joyful and good; it was the time leading up to it that was the problem. There was a huge lack of communication between me and my husband about it all. He didn't like the church, he felt things were rushed. I felt attacked, lashed out.. So when he said "Do whatever you want" as I was heading to work one morning, I did. I picked the date, her godmother; all on my own. I've never really come clean to him that I was sorry for how badly I handled the entire thing until this week. My oldest daughter has started attend...

I guess I'm on a good turn right now. I haven't been down on myself with negative talk/thoughts since I posted last, when I had that awesome experience at work. I don't find myself getting short with people on the phone at work either. I know it is all thanks to God and to Him I give the glory, every day. As I do for my oldest (and autistic) daughter deciding to come back to church, and excited about it. I find my masks fading, at least I think so. I am more quick to love than to anger. I do fail at times, and know I will not always do the right thing. That is the amazing thing about grace - I don't have to be perfect or anywhere to close to it.