Freedom
I finally confessed two things that have been weighing on me for over a year:
First, I talked with my pastor about the disastrous way I handled Ember's baptism, that wasn't so much a confession, more getting advice on how to handle things better in the event that Aiyana is baptized; but afterwards I did finally apologize to my husband about the whole mess just to clear the air. It was a relief to let it all out finally, person to person, and to finally take those things to God and wash them away with my tears. Tears can be quite cleansing too..
Second, I let Ember's godmother know the real reason I'd been holding back on letting them go shopping together; the silent secret wedge that I had put between them as a result of the awful way I had handled the time leading up to Ember's baptism and the baptism itself. I spent an entire day playing all sorts of negative reactions that she would have. Her response to me was kind, she related to me as a sister in Christ and felt bad that I was unable to talk to her about this before now. I finally took this to God as well, and again let all the hurt wash away in tears.
I know I will still mess up, there's no way I will ever come close to living a perfect life, and inadvertently hurt people at times but hopefully one thing I will take away from all of this is to not wait to talk to the offended person (even if they don't know they are offended). Waiting just puts such a weight on me that gets to be unbearable, even with God on my side because I "keep" those things even from Him which is silly, He knows all that I do anyway. There are no secrets there, but even so, it's not always easy to confess those things "out loud". I always forget that I can take those things to the cross and leave them there - that is the purpose of the cross, we don't have to be burdened by sin; it is all forgiven if we just ask.
Why is that so hard for me to do? I wish I knew..
First, I talked with my pastor about the disastrous way I handled Ember's baptism, that wasn't so much a confession, more getting advice on how to handle things better in the event that Aiyana is baptized; but afterwards I did finally apologize to my husband about the whole mess just to clear the air. It was a relief to let it all out finally, person to person, and to finally take those things to God and wash them away with my tears. Tears can be quite cleansing too..
Second, I let Ember's godmother know the real reason I'd been holding back on letting them go shopping together; the silent secret wedge that I had put between them as a result of the awful way I had handled the time leading up to Ember's baptism and the baptism itself. I spent an entire day playing all sorts of negative reactions that she would have. Her response to me was kind, she related to me as a sister in Christ and felt bad that I was unable to talk to her about this before now. I finally took this to God as well, and again let all the hurt wash away in tears.
I know I will still mess up, there's no way I will ever come close to living a perfect life, and inadvertently hurt people at times but hopefully one thing I will take away from all of this is to not wait to talk to the offended person (even if they don't know they are offended). Waiting just puts such a weight on me that gets to be unbearable, even with God on my side because I "keep" those things even from Him which is silly, He knows all that I do anyway. There are no secrets there, but even so, it's not always easy to confess those things "out loud". I always forget that I can take those things to the cross and leave them there - that is the purpose of the cross, we don't have to be burdened by sin; it is all forgiven if we just ask.
Why is that so hard for me to do? I wish I knew..
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