A small look into my broken, imperfect life. I am a Christian, widow, and mother of 2 beautiful girls.
Ember's Birthday party
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I had Ember's birthday party yesterday, not sure how I pulled off everything on 5 hours of sleep give or take but it was a good time. Good food, good people there, and the kids had a blast and a LOT of sugar.
I feel I should start this with some sort of disclaimer: I'm not condemning any certain way of living or religion that anyone has/had lived or believe(d) in, this is just my experience looking back on my life so far and where God has brought me. I grew up somewhat sheltered, living with my Dad and Grandparents. It was a (somewhat) 'normal' Italian/Irish Catholic family. I'd go to church with my grandparents when my dad was not home on Saturday nights, 2 out of every 3 weeks but wasn't a member of the church. I had been baptized as a baby (that's probably the only thing in my life that happened "when it was supposed to"), as my tells it, my mom had finally agreed to it because she wanted to be able to have a party. I have never 'met' her so that may or may not be true, it doesn't matter. As far as I know she wasn't Catholic, and my dad wasn't an active Catholic anymore. It wasn't until 7th or 8th grade, after a school unit on d...
I have been feeling so alone the last few days. I know that I am not, that God is always with me (in His Word and Communion) but He is also directing the hands and feet of His people. That is the piece that is missing. I don't know if it's me being such an introvert, not reaching out to people or people just don't know how to approach me because they can't relate to what I am going through. It's not to say no one is trying at all, there have been some people reaching out once in a while but as time has passed, that has dropped off as well. The offers for me to 'reach out if I need anything' are ok but I don't really know what I need still. I am planning to go back to work on Monday, reduced hours to start, and people keep telling me that will help but I am not sure about going back, even 3 months later. I keep hearing how strong I am, but it's all I can do to not cry every day or get in a huge fight with at least one of my daughters. I don't kn...
Some of this is related to a past post here: http://ravnslife.blogspot.com/2015/10/always-growing-in-grace.html I have been frustrated with work until recently (that feeling still comes, but not as strong as it has been), trying to get out of the customer service department, applied for a job with another employer, all the while I kept praying for some direction on where I was supposed to be or at least contentment if I was were I was 'supposed' to be. I started putting a lot more focus on my home and family: keeping up with housework, trying to not lose my patience as much (yes, I still fail often on some of this), etc. I was half thinking of wanting to quit and just stay home.. I was at a loss on where my life was going. I think I'm finally finding contentment at home, most days anyway. A couple weeks ago, God gave me an answer on where I'm supposed to be in a fairly big way: everyone company-wide was getting a raise, but they went well above that for the custom...
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