A life in reverse?
I feel I should start this with some sort of disclaimer: I'm not condemning any certain way of living or religion that anyone has/had lived or believe(d) in, this is just my experience looking back on my life so far and where God has brought me.
I grew up somewhat sheltered, living with my Dad and Grandparents. It was a (somewhat) 'normal' Italian/Irish Catholic family. I'd go to church with my grandparents when my dad was not home on Saturday nights, 2 out of every 3 weeks but wasn't a member of the church. I had been baptized as a baby (that's probably the only thing in my life that happened "when it was supposed to"), as my tells it, my mom had finally agreed to it because she wanted to be able to have a party. I have never 'met' her so that may or may not be true, it doesn't matter. As far as I know she wasn't Catholic, and my dad wasn't an active Catholic anymore. It wasn't until 7th or 8th grade, after a school unit on different world religions, that I decided I wanted to work toward confirmation and membership to the church. Long story short, I started by meeting with the priest to catch up to where my grade was in the CCD classes, had First Communion well past the normal age of 1st grade, and continued on to my confirmation. The only 'support' my dad gave me was "If you want to do this, you better follow through (or else was not said but definitely implied, which is ironic)."
I attended regularly, week after week, it was a good sized church but not big on fellowship (this seems to be a trend with Catholic churches, if my memory is correct, more on that later), just mass then go home. My high school years came with a waning interest in attending, but I still went because "I had to".
Cut ahead to my going away to college right after graduation - I started out good, going to classes, attending mass at the Catholic church there (albeit only occasionally). Sometime during the first semester, things started to slide. This was the first time I'd lived away from home, so the 'freedom' of that got under my skin. I had grant/loan money in seeming abundance - I ended up $500 or so in the hole to a checking account. I didn't have someone making sure I was going to class, so that slid to the wayside too. Again, long story short, I went wild for a year in many different ways, and was kicked out of school for lack of any grades in my classes at all.
I ended up back with my family, sheltered again, but I was not ready to give up that supposed freedom I had 'enjoyed' for the past year. I got my first job at 19, finally starting to have some responsibility (and money) for myself. I still had some (mis)adventures during the next year, but was a little less wild than I was in that year away at school. I think at this point I was pretty much done with going to church.
I had been spending a lot of time online, playing games on Yahoo! and chatting with people from various places on IRC. One fateful night in 2001, I had been chatting when someone (with the nick Guardian Angel of all things) asked for someone to play euchre. I'm not sure what made me 'speak' up, since I didn't have a clue how to play, but I did. That was the first of many nights passing away time chatting and learning how to play euchre. A month or so of this, and we met in person. He has told me that when he saw the woman walking toward him at the train station, he told the guy he had been talking with that she was the woman he was going to marry - he just knew it. A month or two after that, that woman was loading her stuff into his 1985 Pontiac Parisienne station wagon to start the next chapter of her life in Wisconsin.
Fast forward again a few years to 2004 and I was pregnant with my daughter Aiyana and faced with 'having' to 'rush' a wedding. We started with trying to go to the Catholic church Brandyn had attended growing up. I was surprised they were seemingly willing to let us have the ceremony there (with some conditions of course, I understand the reason behind that - most churches wouldn't just let any couple come in off the street and get married there without both parties being of similar beliefs). We started meeting with the priest, going to mass - again, not really big on fellowship/being social, just mass and go home. That process didn't last very long before my then fiance had "too many questions, too many differences" and we had to find a plan b.
This is getting really long, so I'll sum up the next few years, but if anyone wants to know more (yea, right) just ask.
We have had our ups and downs over the years, but will be celebrating our 12th wedding anniversary in May. We have 2 beautiful girls. We have lived a semi-nomadic life, sometimes moving because of needing more space, sometimes moving because of eviction. My life has been a life in reverse in some areas, looking back on all of this. First living together, pregnant then married, just bought a house 3 years ago. I know there's not a perfect order that you have to have things like this happen, some people never marry or buy a house or whatever it is. I am not one to judge anyone else, I have done it all "backwards".
I have been looking back on all the events of my life and have come to the realization/awareness/awakening (whatever you want to call it) that everything that has happened - the good, the bad, the sinful - was all necessary and a lot of it was God putting me into the exact position to be living in a duplex, outside with my daughters, at the exact moment when their principal came up the street handing out fliers about the newest church in town, Good News, having their 'grand opening' in a short time. We didn't make it to that service, but started going a week or so later. That was 'it' for me; God brought me to the gospel with such a simple thing. I have the gospel and fellowship with others that also believe, people I have come to love and that support me, that know they are sinners too, that I can't imagine not having in my life (even if I only see them once a week). That was in 2013 and I haven't looked back (too much) since. My youngest daughter was baptized in 2014 and I was welcomed as a member the same day and my oldest daughter will be baptized tomorrow; like the title says - a life in reverse.
I know I will still mess up in the future, none of us are perfect in practice, and won't be until we are in heaven with Jesus but that's ok. I have grace for all I've done in the past and will do in the future - we all do - we just have to believe in it, that we have a Savior and we need a Savior.
I do.
I grew up somewhat sheltered, living with my Dad and Grandparents. It was a (somewhat) 'normal' Italian/Irish Catholic family. I'd go to church with my grandparents when my dad was not home on Saturday nights, 2 out of every 3 weeks but wasn't a member of the church. I had been baptized as a baby (that's probably the only thing in my life that happened "when it was supposed to"), as my tells it, my mom had finally agreed to it because she wanted to be able to have a party. I have never 'met' her so that may or may not be true, it doesn't matter. As far as I know she wasn't Catholic, and my dad wasn't an active Catholic anymore. It wasn't until 7th or 8th grade, after a school unit on different world religions, that I decided I wanted to work toward confirmation and membership to the church. Long story short, I started by meeting with the priest to catch up to where my grade was in the CCD classes, had First Communion well past the normal age of 1st grade, and continued on to my confirmation. The only 'support' my dad gave me was "If you want to do this, you better follow through (or else was not said but definitely implied, which is ironic)."
I attended regularly, week after week, it was a good sized church but not big on fellowship (this seems to be a trend with Catholic churches, if my memory is correct, more on that later), just mass then go home. My high school years came with a waning interest in attending, but I still went because "I had to".
Cut ahead to my going away to college right after graduation - I started out good, going to classes, attending mass at the Catholic church there (albeit only occasionally). Sometime during the first semester, things started to slide. This was the first time I'd lived away from home, so the 'freedom' of that got under my skin. I had grant/loan money in seeming abundance - I ended up $500 or so in the hole to a checking account. I didn't have someone making sure I was going to class, so that slid to the wayside too. Again, long story short, I went wild for a year in many different ways, and was kicked out of school for lack of any grades in my classes at all.
I ended up back with my family, sheltered again, but I was not ready to give up that supposed freedom I had 'enjoyed' for the past year. I got my first job at 19, finally starting to have some responsibility (and money) for myself. I still had some (mis)adventures during the next year, but was a little less wild than I was in that year away at school. I think at this point I was pretty much done with going to church.
I had been spending a lot of time online, playing games on Yahoo! and chatting with people from various places on IRC. One fateful night in 2001, I had been chatting when someone (with the nick Guardian Angel of all things) asked for someone to play euchre. I'm not sure what made me 'speak' up, since I didn't have a clue how to play, but I did. That was the first of many nights passing away time chatting and learning how to play euchre. A month or so of this, and we met in person. He has told me that when he saw the woman walking toward him at the train station, he told the guy he had been talking with that she was the woman he was going to marry - he just knew it. A month or two after that, that woman was loading her stuff into his 1985 Pontiac Parisienne station wagon to start the next chapter of her life in Wisconsin.
Fast forward again a few years to 2004 and I was pregnant with my daughter Aiyana and faced with 'having' to 'rush' a wedding. We started with trying to go to the Catholic church Brandyn had attended growing up. I was surprised they were seemingly willing to let us have the ceremony there (with some conditions of course, I understand the reason behind that - most churches wouldn't just let any couple come in off the street and get married there without both parties being of similar beliefs). We started meeting with the priest, going to mass - again, not really big on fellowship/being social, just mass and go home. That process didn't last very long before my then fiance had "too many questions, too many differences" and we had to find a plan b.
This is getting really long, so I'll sum up the next few years, but if anyone wants to know more (yea, right) just ask.
We have had our ups and downs over the years, but will be celebrating our 12th wedding anniversary in May. We have 2 beautiful girls. We have lived a semi-nomadic life, sometimes moving because of needing more space, sometimes moving because of eviction. My life has been a life in reverse in some areas, looking back on all of this. First living together, pregnant then married, just bought a house 3 years ago. I know there's not a perfect order that you have to have things like this happen, some people never marry or buy a house or whatever it is. I am not one to judge anyone else, I have done it all "backwards".
I have been looking back on all the events of my life and have come to the realization/awareness/awakening (whatever you want to call it) that everything that has happened - the good, the bad, the sinful - was all necessary and a lot of it was God putting me into the exact position to be living in a duplex, outside with my daughters, at the exact moment when their principal came up the street handing out fliers about the newest church in town, Good News, having their 'grand opening' in a short time. We didn't make it to that service, but started going a week or so later. That was 'it' for me; God brought me to the gospel with such a simple thing. I have the gospel and fellowship with others that also believe, people I have come to love and that support me, that know they are sinners too, that I can't imagine not having in my life (even if I only see them once a week). That was in 2013 and I haven't looked back (too much) since. My youngest daughter was baptized in 2014 and I was welcomed as a member the same day and my oldest daughter will be baptized tomorrow; like the title says - a life in reverse.
I know I will still mess up in the future, none of us are perfect in practice, and won't be until we are in heaven with Jesus but that's ok. I have grace for all I've done in the past and will do in the future - we all do - we just have to believe in it, that we have a Savior and we need a Savior.
I do.
Comments
Post a Comment