Birthday dread (it's not what you think)

The other day I was listening to the radio on the way to work, and there was a (rare) conversation about the shooting in San Bernadino where the DJ mentioned how something like this happening in the holiday season; where most of us are filled with hope at the coming of celebrating Jesus' birth; has a way (more than any other time; it's still a tragedy no matter when or where or why it happens) of taking the air out of that hope, even just a little bit...

It made me remember (as if I could forget), sitting at home alone on my birthday after my husband had gone to work and I had walked the kids to school; thinking I would enjoy some peace and quiet for the day.. I had been watching Good Morning America or some other news program, I don't remember, when breaking news hit: Sandy Hook Elementary had an 'active shooter' situation that was just happening. All I could do was sit on the couch, stunned, battling between the urge to go to my girls' schools and make sure all was well there and just giving in to the tears and hopelessness that such a thing was even possible. So many young and innocent lives lost and affected so horribly.

Every birthday since, there's always a small part, either on the day itself or leading up to it that I remember this; just a little bit of me that's not able to enjoy the day.

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