Traveling light
I've been working through reading and writing in a journal I got at the library book sale - each week deals with getting rid of something: fear, guilt, loneliness and doubt. (I think those are the four things.)
Today's page was regarding loneliness and talked about us doing things so as not to stand out or be lonely such as sleeping with anyone just for the sake of company, looking for love in the wrong places to the extreme side to how we dress - either to not stand out or to get attention. I've been guilty of all of those things in the past. Specifically, the year that I was away at college. I started out on task, but slowly fell into many temptations. When I was in that time, I just thought of it as having fun but when I read this today I realized what I was actually doing. I lived that way a couple of years, even after moving back in with my family.
I know I can rest easy knowing that now I know God is with me and always will be and the things I did in the past are forgiven. I would never go back to those ways, but they did contribute to the person I am today. That may be in more negative ways than positive but one thing I was introduced to during that time was online chat which ultimately led me to meet my husband and we have been together since. We have had our ups and downs (who hasn't) and at times, it seemed we wouldn't make it - either due to outside influences and inside influences. We are in a better place now, walls that I had built up have come down. I still am not good at communicating with him, I think that comes from fear - when I quit drinking and told him I came to that decision because of God or more specifically, the guilt in what I was doing was stronger after I started going to the church I am now a member; he scoffed at that idea. I have avoided bringing up anything of that sort again. We do talk about belief and things that happen in the world that are against God and agree there.
This has become a lot longer than I planned - it boils down to I don't need to feel lonely because God is with me and I have forgiveness for my past because of what Jesus did for me. I just need to celebrate that more.
Today's page was regarding loneliness and talked about us doing things so as not to stand out or be lonely such as sleeping with anyone just for the sake of company, looking for love in the wrong places to the extreme side to how we dress - either to not stand out or to get attention. I've been guilty of all of those things in the past. Specifically, the year that I was away at college. I started out on task, but slowly fell into many temptations. When I was in that time, I just thought of it as having fun but when I read this today I realized what I was actually doing. I lived that way a couple of years, even after moving back in with my family.
I know I can rest easy knowing that now I know God is with me and always will be and the things I did in the past are forgiven. I would never go back to those ways, but they did contribute to the person I am today. That may be in more negative ways than positive but one thing I was introduced to during that time was online chat which ultimately led me to meet my husband and we have been together since. We have had our ups and downs (who hasn't) and at times, it seemed we wouldn't make it - either due to outside influences and inside influences. We are in a better place now, walls that I had built up have come down. I still am not good at communicating with him, I think that comes from fear - when I quit drinking and told him I came to that decision because of God or more specifically, the guilt in what I was doing was stronger after I started going to the church I am now a member; he scoffed at that idea. I have avoided bringing up anything of that sort again. We do talk about belief and things that happen in the world that are against God and agree there.
This has become a lot longer than I planned - it boils down to I don't need to feel lonely because God is with me and I have forgiveness for my past because of what Jesus did for me. I just need to celebrate that more.
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